Last week, Diogenes Fernando met with famed astrologer and mystic oracle Madam Moonbeam in her star-spangled west-coast grotto. Find out what the Sinhalese New Year portends for my political ambitions, The Man had said, and report back.
It began badly, to say the least, because Ma Moon, as she is known at the Ceylon Society of Seers and Soothsayers, immediately pointed out that the sun is now in Aries, which means that it is ruled by Mars.
And according to the AstroSage astroportal, she said, ‘Mars indicates disputes, difficulties, misunderstandings and quarrels among leaders, preparation for war, restlessness in the state, revolution, violence, murder, rape, looting, bloodshed, arson and kidnapping, etcetera etcetera…’
Bloody hell! thinks Diogenes. And what’s with the ‘etcetera etcetera’? What in God’s name is that supposed to mean?
Biblical plagues? So as well as the Exodusian pestilence of Covid, must we now also expect water turning to blood, frogs, lice, flies, boils, hail, locusts, darkness, and the killing of firstborn children?
Seeing Diogenes’ look of concern, Ma Moon quickly backtracked. Astrology is not an exact science, she hastened to add, and the Astral Almanac tells us that ‘Mars is also the one that helps us find our feet and resolve material and existential issues’
Furthermore, it says that ‘in conjunction with Jupiter, Mars indicates a person who is energetic, resourceful, outspoken, pioneering and adventurous, with executive ability and an entrepreneurial attitude toward business ventures’.
Diogenes breathed a huge sigh of relief. This is exactly the kind of thing The Man will want to hear, he thinks, since it’s pretty much exactly how he sees himself—a go-getting, forthright man of the people who can set the political agenda, shape events, and dictate terms.
So yesterday, at the monthly meeting of the CatAstrophe asset-relocation fund executive committee, he was able to report that the astral auguries are as good as can reasonably be expected in the current circumstances.
Excellent, said The Man, because it so happens that I’ve been having discreet back-room chats with some of our business associates who will be bankrolling my election campaign, and the outlook is positive.
They are of the opinion that to gain the political upper hand, I must adopt an iron-fist-in-a-velvet-glove philosophy. Less Mahatma Gandhi, more Lee Kwan Yew, plus a touch of the Rooseveltian ‘speak softly but carry a big stick’ approach to domestic crisis management. So what do you think?
They are of the opinion that to gain the political upper hand, I must adopt an iron-fist-in-a-velvet-glove philosophy. Less Mahatma Gandhi, more Lee Kwan Yew, plus a touch of the Rooseveltian ‘speak softly but carry a big stick’ approach to domestic crisis management. So what do you think?
After a moment’s silence, the banker buddy cleared his throat. Well, he said, that would certainly take Sri Lankan democracy by the lapels and give it a good shake, but would the electorate stand for it? I know they basically don’t have a clue, but still…
Not to mention, said Diogenes, the fact that the IMF will almost certainly take a dim view of such a robust contra constitutionem attitude, and since they are likely to be our taskmasters for the foreseeable future…
Hmm, said The Man, I see what you mean. Right then, get back to Madam Moonbeam and ask her to read the runes vis a vis the future electoral mindset. And while you’re at it, ask her what she thinks about my campaign slogan: Cometh the hour, cometh The Man!