Diogenes Fernando and The Man are having a heated conversation in the private member’s bar at the Feisty Fisherman. The subject is their now-defunct CatAstrophe asset-relocation fund, which might be about to blow up in their faces.
The trouble, said The Man, is that many if not most of our former clients may well face investigation under the government’s latest corruption crackdown, and that would put us squarely in the firing line. And by us I mean you!
To recap: When they disbanded CatAstrophe at the insistence of The Man’s tycoon mentor, it was agreed that if things turned out badly, as now seems possible, Diogenes would be the fall guy.
Suitably recompensed, he had swiftly decamped to the sanctuary of his cousin’s Hill Country pig farm, where together they set up a cannabis production joint venture with a couple of underworld investors.
But now disaster—a real catastrophe—has struck. Just when their first crop was ready to harvest, the pigs escaped, ate the lot, and then went on a drug-fuelled rampage in the nearby village.
So Diogenes had two choices: stay and face the music, ie, the enraged villagers in no mood to forgive and forget; or reverse decamp back to the relative safety of the metropolis.
Yesterday, The Man, now ensconced in Parliament as a newly-minted National List MP, and the banker buddy, himself a former CatAstrophe trustee, met to figure out what to do, including whether or not to throw Diogenes to the wolves.
They are heartened by a recent local English-media piece headlined ‘Catching Crooks Slowly? Vijitha Says Swift Crackdowns Could Cripple the Economy’
‘In a statement that has stirred both debate and disbelief, Foreign Minister Vijitha Herath suggested that going after all wrongdoers at once could collapse the country’s economy—and that’s why, he says, thieves are being caught “on their way home” instead.
‘“We’re not ignoring the crimes,” Herath insisted. “But we’re following a path that ensures the country doesn’t collapse while doing it.”
‘Still, the analogy of “catching thieves on their way home” has left many wondering—how long is the journey, and how many get away in the meantime?’
Which gives us some breathing space, said the banker buddy, but for how long? All it would take is for one of those ex-clients to buckle under pressure and turn state’s evidence, and we’d be cooked…
Back to the Feisty Fisherman. So here’s the deal, The Man told Diogenes. You have two choices if the shit looks like hitting the fan. You can stay and hope for the best, which will not happen. Or a false passport, a ticket to Caracas, access to a bank account, and a safe house in San Bernardino.
There you would live firmly under the radar until further notice, which means staying well clear of those nefarious friends you made during your previous misadventures in Venezuela. Entiendes?
Diogenes understood alright, and bowed to the inevitable as he recalled the immortal words of William Shakespeare:
There is a tide in the affairs of men
Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune;
Omitted, all the voyage of their life
Is bound in shallows and in miseries.
On such a full sea are we now afloat;
And we must take the current when it serves,
Or lose our ventures.