Look at this! exclaims The Man, pointing to the US newspaper headline: ‘Barron Trump Made Millions From Family’s Lucrative Crypto Firm’—Barron, of course, being President Trump’s youngest son. Says the report: ‘The 19-year-old could have picked up a cool $40 million from the sale of crypto tokens by World Liberty Financial, the Trump family firm launched nine months ago.’
It continues: ‘World Liberty has been a financial bonanza for the family. In March, it announced that it had sold $550 million worth of tokens’ and that President Trump has personally pocketed $57 million.
The Man turns to the banker buddy. Didn’t I tell you, he says, that crypto is absolutely the place to be, no question? That it’s time to get with the programme, to wake up, smell the coffee, and embrace the future?
Didn’t I say that now our CatAstrophe asset relocation fund is dead and buried, our digital CatCryptTrophe wealth-management successor will make both our fortunes? Because if Barron Trump can do it, so can we!
The banker buddy gives him a sideways look. Well, he says, it’s not exactly dead and buried, not with former VIP clients likely facing corruption charges, and Diogenes likely facing exile in Caracas, but I get the point.
Which is, he says, to quote a Sri Lankan online investigative news site, that ‘cryptocurrency offers unparalleled anonymity— perfect for those seeking to obscure wealth flows’…
The piece also quotes Dr Alastair Newton, a former risk analyst at the UK Foreign Office: ‘Bitcoin was designed to be transparent. But with enough layering, shell companies, and multi-sig wallets, even the most advanced forensic firms struggle to trace beneficial ownership.’
Meanwhile, says the banker buddy, because the Sri Lankan taxman doesn’t require disclosure of crypto assets held abroad, it’s a no-brainer for rich and well-connected individuals looking for opaque ‘investment opportunities’, quote unquote.
Exactly, says The Man, which is why we created CCT in the first place after I spent days researching the risks and rewards and sounding out entrepreneurial fellow MPs and corporate heavyweights.
Moreover, he says, I gather that the crypto party has been in full swing for years in the highest echelons of Colombo’s elite one percent, so we need to get our act together pronto to make up for lost time! Indeed, says the banker buddy, which is why I’ve already been in touch with our usual Cayman and British Virgin Islands counterparties to sync security arrangements and protocols.
With a flourish, he produces a sheet of paper from his briefcase. And I’ve had ChatGPT draw up this operational checklist, he says, to reassure potential clients that we mean business.
The man takes the list and, with an increasingly furrowed brow, reads through it. What on Earth is a Samourai Whirlpool wallet, he asks? And Tails or Whonix? Bisq and HodlHodl? No idea, says the banker buddy, but if ChatGPT thinks we need them, we probably do…