The New Year might herald a Phoenix moment for Sri Lanka, muses Diogenes Fernando. But what will arise from the ashes? A Bird of Paradise? Or an all-too-familiar Corvus, one of the feathered gangsters that are collectively known as ‘a murder of crows’?

And will 2023 really be ‘Towards A New Beginning’, as the president’s budget speech was billed, or a case of ‘Back To The Future’?

The Man’s banker buddy is cautiously optimistic. There were some good ideas, he said, but will they be enough? More to the point, will they, can they, actually be implemented?

The Man himself is sanguine. Never mind the big-ticket items, he said, focus on the bit where he stressed the need to promote and encourage entrepreneurs. That means us!

Meanwhile, Aunt Harmonium has been bitten by one of the street dogs her neighbour, an ageing expat, insists on feeding outside his gate. These canny canines now think they own the place.

So why does he believe he should get away with things here that are forbidden in his own country? Ah, he says, but this is not my own country, this is Sri Lanka! Which, thinks Diogenes, just about sums up the attitude of those foreigners who view our ‘developing’ nation as an escape from the strictures of their own ‘developed’ nations.

But that cuts no ice with Aunt Harmonium. She intends to sue the miscreant for damages, personal injury, trauma, reckless endangerment, causing alarm and distress, and disturbing the peace.

Furthermore, as a trustee of the CatAstrophe asset-relocation fund’s charity foundation, she has appealed to The Man for help. So today he met fellow management-committee members to consider what might be in it for him and his political ambitions.

Well, said Diogenes, most right-thinking people know that street dogs are disease-ridden, garbage-strewing, noisy health and safety hazards, a blight on our quality of life and Sri Lanka’s battered escutcheon, and should be got rid of.

Therefore, if you want to appeal to voters who understand that doing so would be doing us all a favour, go ahead. But tread carefully—bear in mind the Buddhists who believe that street dogs might be past friends and family reincarnated.

Hang on, said the banker buddy, you need to think this through. Wouldn’t it be better to first hire a pollster to gauge the public mood? Then, if you get enough backing for the idea, you can stand on a promise to look into it if and when you are elected.

In the meantime, added Diogenes, you could pacify Aunt Harmonium by arranging for a couple of your heavies to pay the neighbour a visit. A steely-eyed chat to convince him of the error of his ways. Know what I mean?

Oh I do, said The Man, I do indeed! But what about supporting her legal action? Could we spin that as helping a damsel in distress, a future constituent, and leave getting rid of the dogs out of it? How might that play with the electorate?

Well, said the banker buddy, my mother would vote for you. And if you get the media on side, who knows, the Mothers Of The Motherland might also lend their support. And where the Mothers lead, the rest will surely follow…